What doctors don't tell you is that in truth medication may act as a wonder drug for you while it destroys the physical and mental well being of someone else. This is because people tolerate drugs differently. We are truly unique individuals. I've had this very experience with my physician. It isn't her fault because she did all of the appropriate blood testing to determine that my physical makeup was off balance and that I needed something to help control this. In fact, as she put it for the last 20 years since hitting puberty I've actually stayed on PMS according to my blood work. This entire time, I've blamed myself for uncontrollable mood swings, sadness, and body swelling when in fact it was all in the physical makeup of my DNA. Yes, my DNA. All that I had to do was look around me. My mother and her entire side of the family experienced similar feelings of sadness and anxiety. Many of them experienced the same kind of mood swings. These behavioral symptoms have been passed down from generation to generation.
What I also didn't realize was that just because Celexa might work for my mother, didn't mean that it would work for me. I had also tried Prozac/ Zoloft with no success, but what Celexa did was drive me into deeper sadness/ madness and paralyze my ability to function in a normal society. Not only was I unable to function, but my panic attacks increased with sweats and labored breathing. My fears and paranoia set in. I actually believed it was again, my fault that this was happening to me, not because of the medicine but because I was too lazy or scared to get out of bed. I felt like a drag on society, like I wasn't able to produce anything worthwhile, like I didn't have a place in the world and wasn't needed or wanted. Nothing seemed bright anymore, not even the little things and special moments that occur in day to day life. Then, upon returning to the doctors I was placed on Abilify.
I'm generally the type of person who likes to know what I'm doing to my body and mind. I like to know what it is that is going into my body. So, before taking the first 2mg. dosage prescribed by my doctor I did some research only to find that at least 1/2 of the peer reviews out of 600 online 1st hand experiences were negative regarding Abilify. Many people complained of the symptoms that I had experienced the same feelings of complete sadness/ madness I had while on Celexa. They complained of extreme weight gain, bloating, anger, and numerous other negative things.
This made me even more nervous to take the medicine that had been prescribed to me, but then I realized the other 1/2 of the reviews said great things about this medicine, that it could be a life changer for the better. I was willing to take the risk to be able to face life and the day again. I was tired of living in a dark place that seemed to have claimed me for most of my existence. I was tired of feeling like I couldn't be around people because it was a genuine problem that I even existed. So, I tried the medicine. One of the great things I've found with Abilify is that even on the smallest dosage you can begin to see improvement and being on the smallest dosage may be exactly what you need to make life livable again. I've been on the 2mg dosage compared to Celexa's 20+ dosages and suddenly I'm a morning person again. I not only get up, but am actively pursuing my dreams again because of this medication which turned out (so far) to be my wonder drug. Abilify may not have worked for many of the other patients who took the time to place a review, but it did work for me. This is why I had to write this blog to deliver hope to those who are suffering from depression and anxiety or OCD and other mood disorders. There is something out there that can help you, you just have to work with your doctor and seek it out. It's also important to be able to recognize when your symptoms are worsening on a medication and to visit your doctor regularly while trying these new medications, because your doctor may be able to help you recognize when things aren't working and get you on something that will.
In just a short amount of time Abilify has given me hope again. It has helped me to function normally in society. I no longer live in fear that I'm unwanted and that my existence is meaningless, or that I'm worthless. These thoughts had been plaguing me to the very point that I was defeating myself, completely unable to continue fighting for my dreams or for my life. I had given up. I was in a dark place, but things are looking up for me now. So, please if you don't feel right. If you are possibly going through some of these same thoughts or feelings see your doctor and work with them to get the medication right. It may not be Abilify for you, it may be Celexa or Seroquil, or something else. It could even be that you are already on too many medications and need to decrease dosage or eliminate a few medicines downsizing to just one. Whatever the case there is hope. Get help. I probably wouldn't be able to write this article if it weren't for the help I've received. I probably wouldn't even be here.
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